Cancer Update: Closing a Chapter

This part of my breast cancer journey is winding down and coming to a close.  I had the second stage of my reconstruction on June 17^th and everything is healing nicely.  I have three more Herceptin treatments and then that’s done as well. 

The past 13 months have been a journey and a half.  At times terrifying, at times incredible, it has mostly been a time of learning – learning about myself, and learning to rely on God.  I’ve seen God work so magnificently through this, providing me with a peace and a joy that only He can provide. 

Jim has been my rock through all of this.  He has taken care of me when the chemo wiped me out and when I’ve been recovering from surgery.  He has also been my researcher, filtering through information so that I could be informed without being overwhelmed.

The support of family and friends has been amazing.  From cards, to meals, to people taking me to appointments, I have felt so loved and cared for throughout this time.  And knowing that I was being prayed for has brought such a peace.

I’ve learned a lot about myself through this.  I’ve learned that sometimes being stubborn is what allows you to recover quicker and that sometimes even the most stubborn person has to give in and rest.  I’m also learning to approach life and others with grace.  And I’m learning that showing love is more important than being right.

As I move forward, I am also learning to embrace my passions and I am beginning the journey of bringing a dream into the light of reality.  It has long been a dream of mine to blog.  I’ve tried a few times, but have never found my voice.  The breast cancer has helped me with that.  So, now this space will transition from a place where I keep people updated on my health to a place where I write about things that I am passionate about.  I hope that you will join me on my next blogging adventure.

About me

Writing a post to introduce myself has proven to be rather challenging. While I am comfortable in my
own skin and with the woman that I’ve become, I don’t want to seem two dimensional, nor do I want to pigeon-hole myself.

I guess the basics are where to get started. I am in my 40s (that is so crazy to type that), I am married,
and I work at a major research university. The Lord has taken me on an incredible journey, especially the last couple of years. At times I will admit that I was plagued by self-doubt and struggled to know the true me, but I am finally back to being comfortable in my own skin.

I love food and fashion. I am passionate about finding your true style and enjoying every bite. Right now this blog will be a way for me to explore both. You’ll find recipes, outfit photos, ramblings on food and style, and anything else that tickles my fancy. So, while this blog was originally a place and means for me to keep family and friends updated on my battle with breast cancer, now it will be a place for me to share what’s on my mind.

So sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.

Reading

Back in January, I stumbled upon the 2016 Reading Challenge over at Modern Mrs. Darcy.  I haven't done a reading challenge since I was a child, when I used to do one every summer, so needless to say, I was intrigued.  Not only did I find a pretty awesome challenge, I really enjoy the blog in general.  She has a weekly podcast where her and a guest discuss books, which I find so fun to listen to.

And this reading challenge has some pretty cool categories.  There are 12 categories, I'm assuming that's because there are 12 months, and they are:A book published this year

• A book you can finish in a day
• A book you've been meaning to read
• A book recommended to you by your local librarian or bookseller
• A book you should have read in school
• A book chosen for you by your spouse, partner, sibling, child, or BFF
• A book published before you were born
• A book that was banned at some point
• A book you previously abandoned
• A book you own but have never read
• A book that intimidates you
• A book you've already read at least once

So far I am almost done with the meaning to read book.  For that category I'm reading Lessons from Madame Chic, by Jennifer L. Scott.  I'm almost three quarters through it.  The abandoned book that I am planning on finishing is The Secret Garden.  I'm about halfway through it.  If you have a Kindle, it's free to download.

I have a feeling that the book I should have read in school, the book published before I was born and the book that intimidates me will be pulled from the same list.  I am kinda curious as to what books have been banned in the past.  I'm hoping to find some really interesting books in that list.  I also have a lot of books that I already own, but have yet to read.

These books will, for the most part, be read in addition to the books I read with my book club.  The only categories that may overlap are read in a day and previously read.

I'll keep you posted on what I'm reading and what I've finished reading.  And feel free to share suggestions for any of the categories.

Pathology Results and Recovery

The surgery went well on Wednesday.  I have always been super comfortable with my choice of surgeons and the rest of the staff was great as well.  There were some issue with communication, but those were minor and there were also some issues with my hospital stay that were more infrastructure issues.  This makes three times now that I've had to deal with infrastructure issues that really shouldn't have happened (at least in my mind) and if I can ever figure out who to address my concerns with, once everything is said and done, I will send a letter.   I am hoping that my next surgery occurs at a different hospital.

Recovery has been pretty uneventful.  I've bounced back quickly, except for the fact that I have a drain coming out of me.  That has hampered me quite a bit, and has kept me stuck at home.  I will get to go out tomorrow - but only to go to the hospital for my Herceptin treatment.  I do have my follow-up on Wednesday, so I am hoping that it comes out then.  Most of my limitations involve the upper body, I am limited in lifting and I am not allowed to raise my arm above my shoulder.  I am, however, still able to walk.  Yesterday I did 4 miles with a DVD and managed to crack 10,000 steps for the day.  Today I have already done 4 miles, and I hope to do another 2 this evening.  That will put me well above 10,000 steps for today and closer to my pre-surgery goal of 12,000.

I did receive the pathology results.  They did find cancer, but it was DCIS (ductile carcinoma in situ), not invasive cancer, which was what we were praying for.  The DCIS did show changes from the chemo too.  With this result it is now a definite that I won't need radiation and can move on with finishing up the Herceptin and reconstruction.

I am very humbled by the outpouring of support that I've received, both on FB and the blog, and in my regular life.  I have received so many positive notes and cards, and I know so many people are praying for me.

Moving from one stage to the next

I finished my chemo in mid-January, and over the past five weeks the side-effects have slowly left. At this point, I still get the odd, metal taste in my mouth, but it isn’t as strong and it isn’t constant.  I am also still battling swelling in my legs from water retention, and, while the majority of the muscle cramps have gone away, I still have a lot of hip pain.  Now, please don’t think that I’m complaining, I’m not.  I feel very blessed that the side-effects weren’t as bad as some people get.  All and all, I am feeling a lot better and, after a blood transfusion, a lot more energetic.  One funny thing – my eyebrows and eyelashes did great, at least until my last chemo and then they both decided to noticeably thin.  I’m not sure why, but I do find the timing funny.

So that’s the update as to where I am in my treatment.  I’m grateful to God that He provided me with so much strength to get through it.  I’m glad that I entered chemo much more physically fit then I’ve been for probably 20 years.  Other than taking off for doctor appointments and actual treatment, I haven’t had to miss any work.

One thing about my chemo, I didn’t receive it because the cancer had spread.  I received it to help keep it from spreading.  My lymph nodes were clear when I had my first surgery.  However, my tumor came back with the protein HER2, which meant a 1 in 4 chance of a distal recurrence.  To treat for that I am receiving the drug Herceptin which is started with a round of chemo.  While the chemo is done, I still go every three weeks for the infusion of Herceptin and that will continue through September.  It, thankfully, does not have the side-effects of chemo.  Doing this takes my odds of a distal recurrence to 1 in 10.

Next up I surgery, which is scheduled for this Wednesday.  I am having a left-side mastectomy with immediate, two-stage, reconstruction.  The surgery is expected to last 3 hours, 1 for the mastectomy and 2 for the reconstruction and it will involve 2 surgeons, a surgical oncologist and a plastic surgeon.  I have no clue what to expect.  I’m a little nervous, except when I’m really nervous.  Jim has had to deal with a few breakdowns.  The Lord has been gracious though and the verse that I keep focusing on his Psalm 23:4:

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil: for though art with my; thy rod and thy staff

they comfort me.

Looking Back, Looking Forward

This past year has been a year of focusing on health.  First, my focus was on loosing weight and getting in shape, and then my focus became fighting breast cancer.  They were, and are, good focuses to have.  I've learned a lot about my body and I look and feel better than I have in a long time - and that's even while dealing with chemo.  Now, however, I need to add to my focus.  I'm still keeping my focus on my health, but it's time for more.

For so long I've let myself become almost stagnant.  I had this idea in my mind about how a good Christian wife should be - the idealized Proverbs 31 woman.  And while I strived to be what I thought that I was supposed to be, it never quite jived with my personality.  I'm not a Suzy Homemaker, making my own cleaners, being super frugal, having the chores done each day kind of a woman.  What I am is funky, and odd, and while I like my house clean, if you look closely, you just might find some dust bunnies.

As I've lost weight and had to buy new clothes, I've allowed my own style to shine through.  Gone are the long denim skirts that are the uniform of some Christians  or even the shapeless pants and big tops.  They've been replaced with skinny jeans and cool accessories.  I enjoy my wardrobe so much more now and have fun with putting it together.  And now it's time to bring that into other areas of my life.

This coming year I want to focus on creating.  Whether that is writing, or scrapbooking, or cooking or putting together an outfit, my focus for this year needs to be creating.  And if that means more dust bunnies, or doing a big clean one day a week instead of chores throughout the week, that's cool too.  I'm aching to do and create and live.  Hopefully it will be an adventure, hopefully it will be fun, and hopefully it is something that I can share with you.

Some Thoughts on Paris

When I decided to start blogging again it was to make it easier for me to keep people updated on my cancer journey.  Lately I have been thinking about trying to blog more regularly, though life seems to keep getting in the way.  I never in a million years thought that my first, non-cancer post would be in the wake of such a horrific tragedy.

I've thought a lot about what happened last night in Paris, early waking insomnia gives one plenty of time to think.  I can't even begin to fathom what the people in Paris, or those that have loved ones in Paris are going through.  I can't even begin to fathom what the families of those that were killed are going through - or the wounded and their families.  My heart breaks for them.  But it also breaks for those Muslims that just want to live their lives in peace.  My heart breaks for the refugees that are fleeing from ISIS, just to have them follow.

It saddens me, and angers me, to read people's comments blaming all Muslims for the terrorist attacks, to see people blaming the refugees for the attacks.  The terrorist attacks yesterday were horrible, but let us remember that how we react, will have consequences in the days, months and years to come.

 Let us remember that the best way to thwart evil in this world is to show people the love of Christ.

#prayforparis #jesuisparis